Keys to Victory: Week Two, @ Minnesota

I'm absolutely psyched for Miami at Minnesota!

One reason is that it's actually going to be on TV. We can thank Zombie Favre and his loyal minions for that one. My liver, stomach, and wallet are greatly relieved to watch tomorrow morning's game from my home and not from a nearby sports bar. (To be quite honest, I still haven't found a good watering hole in Koreatown that has NFL Sunday Ticket -- feel free to point a couple out.)

Secondly, I stand to win a few bucks. Two of my co-workers at the bar are from Minnesota, and each of them bet me a crisp Jackson that their Vikings would win. Did I bet the spread? Hell no. Real fans bet on their teams to win, right? Right?

Yeah, I could lose $40 but I'm feeling pretty confident (HUBRIS ALERT), which brings us to what excites me the most...

The Dolphins have a great chance to win. It's not a foregone conclusion by any stretch of the imagination, but I genuinely like their chances.

These are their keys to success:

1) Run the ball. Run it early, run it often, run it well.
The Vikes are ferocious up front. If Chad "Check Down" Henne is going to have any breathing room in the pocket, the Fish really need to establish their running game. They need to alternate between power and speed, in my estimation. They have enough versatility in the backfield to do that. They need to keep the Vikings defense guessing, and only then will it open up the play-action for Henne and the receivers.

Ricky and Ronnie need to combine for about 150 yards tomorrow.

2)Zombie Favre must die!!!
Favre is a pompous dick, but he's a smart pompous dick. Giving him too much time on his feet in the pocket is a recipe for, well, something un-tasty. If the Dolphin D can't get to him, Favre will meticulously pick apart the secondary. He may not have a full stable of receivers but the man knows how to find the seams.

Thus, Favre needs to get knocked on his ass a few times early. I'm talking about all sorts of blitzing plays, of course, but also about continual penetration from our front three. Look for fill-in Tony McDaniel to pick up a sack or two. Likewise, we need the LBs to step up big once again.

3) O.C. Dan Henning can't be a pussy.
I'm confident the Dolphins can build a lead against the Vikings tomorrow, but I'm less than 100% convinced they can hold it for four quarters.

If we're up by 10 at half-time, and we come back from the break playing too conservatively, Favre will come back and beat us. Yes, he's a shell of a man, but he can facilitate point scoring in a hurry. If we get a lead, punt five times in the second half, and end up losing, I'm going to mail a turd sandwich to Henning, I swear to fucking God.

Alright, enough talking out of my ass. Go 'Phins!

Five lessons we've learned about the 2009 Dolphins after two preseason games

The Miami Dolphins are 2-0 in the preseason for the first time since—um, who gives a shit? They dismantled the Jags a week ago and the dominated the Panthers on Saturday, but it’s perhaps a bit too early to pre-order those Super Bowl tickets.

That isn’t to say we aren’t gaining valuable insight in regards to the talent and character of this team.

So what exactly have we learned?

1) Winning is important to the franchise, regardless of the stakes.

From the Palm Beach Post Dolphins blog:

“It’s important to win,” [Coach] Sparano said at his daily press briefing. “Every time they keep score and every time we get a chance to compete out there, we want to win.”

Sparano speaks of creating and maintain a “culture” of winning. While that may be one of this generation’s most terribly useless sports clichés, the Dolphins are still only 17 games removed from their franchise worst 1-15 season. After winning 10 additional games (and the AFC East) last year, it’s hard to accuse the sophomore coach of preaching banalities.

While the team clearly won’t give away too much in the way of offensive packages or play their first string units too long with the ever-looming risk of injury, it’s nevertheless refreshing to see these Dolphins’ players and coaches so interested in maintaining a winning attitude.

2) Players on the bubble can’t be saved by fan support.

Against the Jaguars, backup receiver Chris Williams returned the ball almost every time on special teams. Not all of his plays were good, but he was the most exciting player on the field for much of the game. On kickoffs returns, he consistently exploded through the first wave of would-be tacklers and generally excelled. Williams’ punt returning was more uneven, but he still made people miss.

Dolphin fans took an immediate liking to this guy. Many thought he’d eventually break one for a touchdown. Alas, he won’t be doing it in aqua and coral.

Williams, along with four other players, was cut early Monday as the Dolphins brought their roster down to 79.

Likewise, fans were excited to see last year’s free agent bust, Ernest Wilford, score a touchdown from the Tight End spot against the Jaguars. This didn’t save him. He had no receptions in game two and was also cut on Monday.

3) Eric Green is a bitch.

Veteran cornerback Eric Green was signed earlier this off-season to a two year contract. He was far from outstanding last season with the Cardinals and, frankly, the acquisition surprised fans and media alike. At the time, however, the Powers That Be couldn’t have foreseen drafting two studly cornerbacks, Sean Smith (outstanding so far) and Vontae Davis. (According to some, Davis has underperformed thus far. Frankly, his penalties in the opener were overblown and I'm in the camp that believes he's still poised to have an outstanding rookie season.)

Green played and practiced worse than both rookies, losing his starting role to Smith, the 61st pick in the Draft, only a few days into camp. Few were surprised when his craptastic outing against Jacksonville sealed his fate.

General Manager Jeff Ireland and Coach Sparano have no trouble correcting their own mistakes. They brought Green in for a rainy-day situation and, thankfully, the sun shines brighter than ever. The franchise did right by Green in cutting him early and allowing him to quickly find another team (and the 49ers did not hesitate in signing him).

And how does Green thank the organization for his early release (not to mention his $3 million in guaranteed money)?

“When they told me [about the release] I was almost relieved. Here, they are more laid back, which is what it was like in Arizona. In Miami they almost wouldn't allow you to chew gum in meetings."

You’re a talentless ingrate, Green. Here’s hoping the only gum they sell in San Francisco is that Mint Mojito crap.

4) The Dolphins are stacked at RB.

Even after his first Pro Bowl berth, the questions about Ronnie Brown remain. Will he remain healthy? Is he an elite running back or an above average one? What kind of contract does he deserve? I have no clue. Clearly, he’s at least above average as a starter and perhaps, at best, is a top seven guy in the league.

That said, I think the Dolphins have the best depth at running back in the league. Ricky Williams is an ideal second-string RB, and he looks to be running with much greater confidence than he did last year. Likewise, Patrick Cobbs and Lex Hilliard are both beasts (Hilliard simply couldn’t be brought down and Cobbs was outstanding catching those swing passes). I wish the Dolphins could work in some package with all four of them. Between those four, Ted Ginn Jr.’s theoretical emergence, and whatever Pat White brings to the table, we could see some real fireworks this season.

Sun Sentinel

Ronnie Brown is careful not to let Ricky Williams sneak up behind him.

5) Swine flu is still over-hyped and still annoying.

Jason Allen and Sean Smith do not have swine flu, so let's drop it.

#6: Keith (Kessler, 2008)

[NOTE: This film uses tired ideas to do some wonderful things. Embracing that theme, I’ve decided to riddle the review with fun clichés. See how many you can find!]

Keith is enjoyable, if not enchanting. In the interest of disclosure, however, I should point out its few substantial flaws before selling it to you as one of last year’s hidden gems.

Keith (2008) production still

Keith, why so serious?

This is director Todd Kessler’s first motion picture and traces of his inexperience are evident all throughout. The first scene focuses on a digital alarm clock reading “5:59” and a seasoned audience member can expect some beeping at six. Seconds later, our suspicions are confirmed and our protagonist crawls out of bed to face her day. At this point, I could very well be describing an opening sequence in hundreds of different novice works. Visual and structural bromides like these show us Kessler is not yet an auteur with a capital “A.”

He and co-writer David Zabel have zero previous screenwriting credits. IMDB states their script is based originally on a short story by Ron Carlson. There’s nothing there to indicate Carlson borrowed his idea from the dozens of other artists who have been suckling the tit of popular young girl with everything to gain is seduced by mysterious bad-boy with nothing to lose for centuries. Honestly, if I didn’t have a thesaurus within arm’s reach, I probably wouldn’t make it through this review without typing the word “generic” a half-dozen times.

Are you excited to watch Keith yet? I told you just a few paragraphs ago that you should be—don’t let my uncontrollable urges to highlight flawed writing and lackluster mise-en-scene scare you away from the film's great acting and emotional resonance.

Keith is not groundbreaking in story (I won't detail all the romantic plot points, but know there are more clichés than a Uwe Boll marathon, though they are mostly excusable), several of the film’s best scenes are derivative but you might be surprised to find yourself smiling instead of groaning. Instead, Keith is a finely paced, spirited showcase for two talented actors who admirably embrace their characters.

Keith (Jesse McCartney) has seen Rebel Without a Cause (if not a few Neil LaBute plays) but is perhaps less disaffected than he aspires to be. McCartney is good in a role that doesn’t need him to be half as nuanced or charming as Natalie (played expertly by Elisabeth Harnois).

Natalie is blessed with academic success, a supportive family, and athletic prowess, but she isn’t the type to write “carpe diem” in her day planner. The girl will eventually meet the boy and this boy will profoundly change that girl, we've heard that tune before, but the characters give it a fresh life. She may have untapped potential, but Natalie’s interests, urges, and aspirations exist well before Keith enters the stage. It’s refreshing when she doesn’t need the insights of a wild-eyed new guy to awaken her character from a personality coma. (And it’s a minor miracle that she never dates a jerkish quarterback. There is a secondary love interest, Raphael, but he is by no stretch a hurtful or manipulative guy).

Keith (2008)

Keith's arrival makes Natalie reconsider her world view. Another classic example of the "4-WAY Stop Blues."

The two develop a bond in their chemistry class (you see what I did there?) and their friendship evolves naturally. As we would expect, Keith shows Natalie the fun in coloring outside the lines. Keith throws out the “picnic rulebook” in their first adventure; they sneak into the conference room of a busy law firm to enjoy a lunch of Twinkies and Slim Jims. When the pair is eventually noticed, Keith is actually saved by Natalie’s quick talking and creative wit. Scenes like these allow Todd Kessler to turn a generic concept into an endearing and genuinely touching movie.

Final score: 81 out of 100.